WHY MARCUS NEEDS TO WIN BIG BROTHER 2009

Big Brother is dying. A combination of Brighter Picture's/Endemol's production woes coupled with Channel 4's reluctance to broadcast anything which may cause offence on a show centering around the concept of offence have come together to give the grand daddy of all Reality TV shows it's very own shower arse rape. Now all that remains is for the show to bite the curb.

This morning, Channel 4 announced they would not be renewing their one hundred million plus contract with Endemol to produce the Dutch franchised summer Daily Star fixture after next year's Big Brother 11. They cited reasons in the context of damage control, amongst them being that they simply wanted to move on and continue to provide new television programs to stimulate the collective minds of the nation.

If you think this is anything other than a ratings issue, you may as well take your ball and go home. Any television station that broadcasts Jack Whitehall's face, Jack Whitehall's voice, and Jack Whitehall's ricoculous Topman wardrobe does not have our advancement as a species at heart.

The ironic thing is, at 2.5 million a night on average, Big Brother is still one of Channel 4's most highest rated shows. Daily. At a fraction of the cost it takes to create a drama that delivers the same ratings ONCE a week. But the show is finding little excitement these days. The build up was appaling, the ten year old subliminal advertising campaign was appaling and the format faced little tweaks and almost zero mid week live twist extravaganzas this series. A series that should have been hallmarked by an approach simmilar to a traditional Family Guy episode.

That is : Lets throw shit at a wall. And fast. And lets make the wall sticky. And lets see how much of it sticks. Go. For. Broke.

That being said, most Big Brother afficianados/overweight divorcee's/jobless pot smokers would argue that it has been a cracking series. And it has. The house is full of cunts. This makes it incredibly entertaining for those who want to watch, but incredibly difficult for the casual audience to gain an interest.

One of the highlights of this series has been comic book fanatic, faux cool guy and window fitter Marcus Akin. A man who should win the series because he understands EXACTLY what is happening. Not only is he entertaining in his own right for blatantly having the balls, and presumably the cock, to have a wank on national television and BRAG about it, but he knows the show is going down the shitter. He knows he is in the house with a bunch of fake cunts who fail to see this, and he KNOWS the very house he is in is a boring house [it's not] that is being watched by roughly half the audience Big Brother used to get [it is].

Marcus is the most nominated housemate in the history of Big Brother in the UK, receving 46 nominations in total, 1 more than Freddie in the same series. And he calls himself the 'irrepressible dark horse'. THE IRREPRESSIBLE DARK HORSE!, Enough said. There is your winner on a silver fucking platter.


And in an age where Creme Egg Jade Goody passed away shortly before the show did, a long, painful process that started with a race row in the 2007 Celebrity edition of the show, Marcus has been the voice of the anti-PC in a PC house. And once, he spoke about how he beat up John Bradshaw Layfield, wrestling champion, in a dream. He did. He really fucking did.

Now pick up the phone and vote for him, brothers and sisters.